True Love's Kiss

Everyone know that I Love fairytales, stories about princesses, and terribly romantic love stories. What can I say, I'm a hopeless romantic and secretly also a princess. Okay, well, I'm not, but I want to be one.

When I was a little girl, I dreamed about falling in love with some wonderful boy who would sweep my off of my feet.

Since I was 12, I've thought about what I would name my future children. Yes, I do have some up my sleeve, but I shall not tell! It'll ruin the surprise... if it ever happens.

Since about high school or so, I lost track on the timeline, I've been "planning" my future wedding. Now, I'm not one of those crazy girls who's Pinterest is loaded up with 18 boards on wedding ideas alone. No. I would do everyone a favor and slap myself for you. *shiver* But I have thought about general ideas that would be interesting to have if the day ever came for me. I do have a Pinterest bored, it's called Someday, but it's not filled entirely with obsessive wedding details. Just a few, and most of it has nothing to do with even that!

Why Am I Telling You This:
Today, I watched 27 Dresses. A story about a girl who's been waiting for her day since she was 8 years old. Then, she watches the love of her life almost marry her little sister, and she goes crazy. All the while, there's a guy who she had no interest in whatsoever, and at the end of the movie, they get married. Ah. True love. Romance. Perfection. Beauty. Makes my heart swell up. With happiness. For a fictional character.

Then, I watched Enchanted. I love this movie. Who doesn't? But here's what always throws me for a loop. Giselle is about to marry Prince Edward. Tragedy strikes and she meets another man. You can tell they fall for each other, yet throughout the entire movie, she can't wait for the man of her dreams to find her so that they can live happily ever after. Then, as soon as he does find her, she really doesn't want him anymore. She want New Dream Man! But he's taken. In fact, he's been taken for about five years(?). Yet at the very end, he throws that relationship away for a chance at happiness with Giselle. And they... they trade partners basically. Is that weird or what? Nope, not for them, because the Prince can be married now and the girl can escape her reality of being broken up by someone who was about to propose to her for a girl who destroyed multiple sets of curtains in his home! I don't get it.

Moral Of The Story:
If true love is this important, magical, powerful force of nature, how can it be found, released, and traded to easily? Falling  in love is difficult to do but but falling out is easy? (Or is it the other way around?) Was it really ever love then? Was it really ever true? Or was it just a means to an end? Maybe I'm pulling from past experiences, but really, if it's such a loose ideal, why do we wrap ourselves up in it?

I'm not saying we should or shouldn't, I'm simply saying we should ask ourselves why? How do we know if what we have is what we really want? What we need? How do we know?

I love thinking and dreaming and hoping for my happily ever after, and who knows, maybe I will get it, maybe I have that now, I won't know until it's happened though. But I realized this a while ago. I can't, and won't focus on the laters. At this stage in my life, yes, I have those future children names picked out, but I'm not clinging to them as my only options. They're just daydreams.

Do I think about my future wedding every once in a while? Yes, I do. I won't lie. I am muy guilty of it. But, I don't spend hours lost in thought about the color scheme, the location, the dresses, the lighting, the music, and whatever else. If and when I do have a wedding someday, it won't be just mine, it'll be his too. So I want to leave the planning up to the two of us and our incomes, cuz that shtuff is expensive as heck. Remember ladies, it's not Your wedding... you wouldn't have one if he wasn't there.

Just some thoughts I wanted to ponder with y'all.

Now, excuse me while I swoon over more love stories and drama in Once Upon A Time. ;)

Thanks again for reading,
<3 Tawny

Self-Inspiration - Don't Ask How

I was hanging out at Barnes and Noble, not always the best idea for me, and I almost got out of the store without splurging on some random book, game, toy, or whatever. But then I got to the checkout area.

Right before it, you know, that area where it has random crafts and interesting items that don't fit in anywhere else in the store? Where Everything is always on some kind of markdown?

Well, you see, there was this sketch book. I bought it. So cute! Plain, tan colored book, says the word "sketch" on top and has 240 pages for me to draw/doodle in. It was $7. I think that's a darn good deal!

As soon as I brought it home with me, and began drawing random lines and swirls and was asked, "What are drawing?" I had no idea. Until I was about 3/4 done with the page. Once I finished, a poem was inspired within my brain. Never had that ever happened before.

Usually, when it comes to poems, something cool will pop up in my brain, and I'll write it down. Then, if I try to make a poem or limerick out of it, it sounds like a four-year old's poem. I can't rhyme, I don't have rhythm, I'm not creative with my diction, I'm just no good!

But, this one, not too shabby. So, I am willing to share, not only my drawing, but also my poem with you. Especially since I have not had recent bloggable inspirations, I figure this will be a good way to get back in the game.

Both the picture and the poem are called, LIFE.

Life, is like a burning fire.
Causing destruction wherever it goes.
Filling your heart and mind with ire.
Yet after it's gone, new life, it grows.
And sometimes through the thick, black smoke,
The most delicate things in life survive,
Tending to be as strong as the great white oak.
Nothing in life strictly defined,
Chaotic as the Devil's mind.
Free to explore, yet imprisoned by space,
It thrashes around, yet stays in place.
Somehow, still full of wonder, and grace.
Sometimes as fragile as a ribbon of lace.
Constant and thriving no matter which stage,
Yet never looking the same as before.
Sometimes it rains and sometimes it pours.
It's shocking, terrifying, full of undying rage.
And even through the never-ending war,
None will ever reach its core.
Life, it will shine with beauty, once more.
Just like a burning fire,
Its passion will always be admired.

There's a lot going on, and there was really no reason for how it came about. I just wanted to break in the book and wanted to create something fun. And somehow I managed to inspire myself, and break through this creative barrier I've been facing lately, and really dig into some thoughts and feelings that have been sitting in the back of my mind gathering dust.

I've shared a piece with you all that I don't share often. It's a different kind of art that I'm not used to putting out on display, but what's the name of this blog again?

Oh yeah, Private Thoughts Gone Public.

I hope you enjoyed this,
And I hope this brings me back to regular blogging. (Darn grad school!)

Please comment if you thought this was at least okay. If not, then I will go back to my regular rants and keep the drawings and written work to myself and close(r) friends.


I appreciate you,

<3 Tawny

Graduate School Update

I'm about halfway through my first semester as a graduate student in the Higher Education program at Texas Tech University.

I figure it's a good time to do some reflection.

So far, it's been an amazing experience for me. I won't talk about work, or my personal life, because there's just too much for me to talk about. I will say though, that I've met some amazing people in which I can't wait to see where our friendships take us, and I'm seeing some great things happening in the workplace and I love being a part of it.


Having A Cohort:
I remember when I was interviewing with schools at OPE, the word cohort was dropped as if it should have been in my vocab for years. It was not. I didn't understand what that was even through my first on-campus interview. I would just smile, nod, and say, "This sounds great!"

For those of y'all who may be in the position I was in: Basically, a cohort is a group of students that take the same classes together from the beginning of the program, to the end of the program.

I love this, because already, my cohort has begun to build an amazing bond with each other that I don't think would have happened otherwise. We actually want to hang out outside of class. Who does that?! Cohorts. That's who. I'm so excited. (We're planning a get together for this weekend!)

In class, we take turns making fun of each other, and then flip sides to back each other up. Because we're comfortable with each other, and it's great. I love it.

Classwork:
Sucks. But at the same time, it's kind of fun. And maybe it's just because I'm a bit of a perfectionist, but I Always stress out about an assignment thinking that I'm going to do terrible. Then I start panicking that I'm going to fail, get kicked out of the program, and have to move back to Wisconsin. Dear God, please don't make me move back to Wisconsin! Haha!

I freak out, work my big ol' butt off, think it's the best thing ever, turn it in, go back to freaking out about how I could have improved some aspect, stop caring, then get an email with my grade. Freak out again, check it, and it's either full points or close to it. I'm doing quite well! I'm just a worried, nut-ball.

But in all reality, I'm seriously enjoying my classes and the work I'm doing in them. I'm currently doing research in a field in which I know next to nothing about, and finding that there is actually not a lot of research in this area. Even though I'm finding it next to impossible to get what I need for my research, my professor in that class has provided me with nothing short of encouraging words that somehow take away any concerns and restore faith in myself. I have amazing support here and the faculty so far have been nothing but happy.

I can't wait to learn more in these upcoming semesters.

I'm also extremely proud to be a Red Raider.

<3 Tawny