Lessons in Religion

If you were to tell me three years ago, or really anytime in the past, that I would find and become a part of a church community, I would probably laugh in your face. But that has been the case for me as of late. I actually look forward to Sunday mornings. I've talked about the basics of the church in a past post here, so I won't go over that again.

But, about a week or two ago, we watched a UU minister perform a sermon about spreading the word of Unitarian Universalism. (His name is Aaron White and I've linked this sermon a few times for you here.) The main takeaways I want to point out to you are centered in italics.

In the past when someone has told me about their religion and their church, they would tell me why it's the best and why I needed to convert that very moment. Because, you know, if I didn't then I would go to Hell. Telling someone you'll go to Hell because they don't believe what you were raised to believe is not an effective way to sell your religion. The same goes for telling someone they'll be denied admission to Heaven. If you're talking to someone, for example, who doesn't believe in God to do so, talk to them in a way they can understand you, not the way they already don't believe.

If you want people to learn about your religion, you have to speak in their language.

The minister said that religion should be about bringing Heaven to Earth (something I've always tried to achieve in other words). Why can't we make the world we live in now the best possible world?

Everyday I see people making choices that will hurt others, just so they can succeed, so they can have a better life, and so they can go to Heaven. From what I've always understood, the first rule of just about every religion is LOVE. He reminded me about that rule.

Religion is about love and building a world that loves.

In order to love each other, we have to understand each other. I've quickly grown to hold dear the community I found here. It's a nice escape from the close-minded world of living in West Texas.

I know it may not be the place for everyone, but I want to share my community with others. I enjoy discussing it, but I also enjoy learning about others' religions and I respect the multitude of things people believe in. We should be sharing our beliefs with each other. But when you share, you should never condemn others for sharing. We are all individuals and as individuals we have differences. It is inevitable. That's part of what makes life awesome.

The UU church cam to be by people who believed in building a better world. Our roots actually stem from Christianity. Thomas Jefferson was a Christian (later a Unitarian) who believed in love, science, and the future. He even believed that by this day and age, everyone would be a Unitarian Universalist.

Unitarian Universalism is a liberal religion.

(Not to be confused with liberal politics.) And we are not the only ones. There are plenty of religious congregations that have more liberal beliefs as well. Most UUs do not find the church until after being raised Baptist, Methodist, Catholic, etc. and come in with a lot of religious baggage. I was not raised with religion and even I carry some baggage - perceptions of religion that I either didn't understand or only knew negative stereotypes about. But I'm learning now that not all religion is as bad as I once thought. :) I am at a comfortable point of knowing that I can never know the truth for sure. My new religion let's me hold this untruth as my truth (if that makes sense).

God is not fully known to us.

Each member sees God in a different way. Whether one of our members are Atheist, Agnostic, or non-denominational, we're all just searching for the truth. For some, that truth is science. For others, that truth may lie in the secrets of nature. For me, it's science and love. And yes, I struggle sometimes, but that's why I've started on this journey; why I decided to join the church.

I want to be a better person. I want to love as many people as possible. I want that love to spread to others as well.

"God is too big for any one religion to own," said the minister we listened to that day.

He reminded us that our religion is not a creedal church. We do not require our members to believe in the same things in order to remain members. The only thing we require is openness and acceptance. We may not verbally express God in everyday practice, but this is how we see Him in relation to us and our world.

I've been going to this church since February(ish). I didn't realize how much I actually enjoyed going until recently. I find myself talking about it any chance I get. It's like falling in love. You want to tell as many people as possible. And trust me, the more I learn about, the more I plan on sharing.

It's difficult to share everything in one post, and he says everything a lot more eloquently than I've just done here, which is why I've linked the video throughout this post. Listen to it while you're sending emails or sweeping at home. It's a nice listen.

Thanks for reading at least,

<3 Tawny

What's Wrong With Femininity?

Okay, I've been refraining from positing this for a while. It's been in my draft box for a long time and in my mind even longer. I have to warn you, this post goes everywhere, because my mind is kind of everywhere. So I'm sorry if some parts don't flow.


Women can do what men do, but not the other way around:
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all about girl power and if a woman wants to be CEO then by all means, go for it. If you want to be a female president, shoot for the stars.

But if you want to be a stay at home mom... well, then you're just not aiming high enough.
Why do we say this kind of stuff? A woman should be able to have her own goals, dreams, and aspirations. Feminism claims this to be the ultimate truth but I see contradictions everywhere I turn.

I don't consider myself a feminist, only because to me, the term is not very inclusive. But I do believe in equal rights among all. Without putting a label on myself, I would consider myself to be an egalitarian. It's not just about girl power for me, it's about allowing men to show a bit of femininity. I don't think that many realize that men aren't always given equal opportunities themselves. But before you lash out on me, know that I'm Not talking about the pay gap or workforce inequality among genders. That's an entirely different topic.

I work in very female dominated  field. I also have a bachelor's degree in a very female dominated field. Coincidence? I don't know. I don't really believe in them. This just happened to be the path I chose. But let me try to find a way to break this down.

Men become engineers. Women become teachers.
Can/should women become engineers? Most definitely! Can men become teachers? Yes. Should they become teachers? Maybe? Do many people find it odd to see a male elementary school teacher? Yeah, just a bit. Why though?

Contradictions: I've noticed this happen a few times in the area that I work in. For example, when we're required to dress professionally, the men wear suits and the women are excited to break out their power suits. Power. Suits.

Why, tell me, can't they be power suits for men, or just suits for women? Yes, this is a very small matter, but if you think about it. This makes it seem like women can only get power from dressing like men. (That statement is a bit over-exaggerated, but I'm trying to get you to think.)

Or when trying to hire people, if a woman appears to be bossy, well, that's just not what we're looking for. Or a guy is really shy, well, he's not going to be successful. Why? How do you know? You're judging someone on preconceived ideas of how a (fe)male's personality should be. How dare you? Hire people on the skills they have and will be able to pick up through training and experience.

Feminine aspirations:
I feel that in today's society, traditional feminine aspirations among women are scoffed at sometimes. Yes, we're encouraged to wear the dress that highlights our curves and make-up that highlights our natural beauty. But we're also expected to climb that ladder, break that glass ceiling, over and over and over. In my field, getting a PhD is expected - especially if you're female. But if you don't, well then why would you go into the career? Or if you do, then you might want to get your PhD before you have kids, because then it becomes exponentially more difficult to reach that goal. Personally, I  just don't want a PhD. I don't really ever want to be a VPSA (Vice President for Student Affairs). That's just never been an aspiration of mine.

But Tawny, you have so much potential and skill. Why wouldn't you want to climb the ladder? We need more women at the top. Don't you want to make more money?
- Well, readers. Potential, skill, and the need to fill a gap just isn't enough motivation for me to put more stress and responsibility on my shoulders. Money's a good motivator, but I would rather live a simpler life if that meant spending more time with my future family. I want babies. I want to spend time with them. I don't want to be the mom who brushes off little Timmy because I have a dissertation chapter to write. I don't want to be the person sending emails late at night to keep up on work. That's just never been an aspiration of mine.

Here's the Truth:
I finally decided to touch on this topic (trust me, this is only skimming the surface. I could talk about it for days.) because of an article I read about Kirsten Dunst. In the article, she talks about how she personally feels that being a mom is the highest honor and "sometimes you need your night and shining armor". I loved this, but other people were outraged. Why? These are her values. If you were really a feminist, you would appreciate her for sticking to what she believes is right for her. She's not ruining anything for you. She's not making a law declaring we go back to the 40s lifestyle. She's making the choice that all of you are fighting for her to be able to do.

You can knock Disney all you want but you know what? Snow White came out in the 30s. That was a much different time. Also, Cinderella is allowed to wear glass high heels if she wants. If you're afraid your child will fall into the gender binary because of a movie, then you might want to rethink your parenting. Just because Legos come in a blue box doesn't mean your daughter can't play with it. And just because a doll has pink clothes, doesn't mean your son can't learn how to care for another. Get over yourselves and stop picking fights over things that don't matter.

So what's wrong with feminitiy?:There shouldn't be anything wrong with it. If you want to take over the world, do it. If you want to be a model, do it. We need to just stop knocking down people for wanting to do what they want to do. We shouldn't be knocking people down for voicing opinions. We shouldn't be blaming all of our failed relationship ideas on Disney princesses. We shouldn't scoff at people who don't want to be CEOs. If you're a feminist, or call yourself something else, and you truly want us to have equal rights, then you have to start acting like it. A suit isn't going to make you any more or less powerful just because you're a woman. You don't even have to wear a suit to dress professionally anyway. Stop it. I think you just want attention.


Thanks for trying to follow along with this mini, scattered, post,
<3 Tawny

I'm Coming Back

I realized today that I have not posted in about two months.  I'm ashamed.

But today I've decided that I'm coming back, and I'm coming back in full force.  Since I started graduate school, my posts have been infrequent, censored, and overall limited.  The purpose of me starting this blog in the first place was to express my thoughts, feelings, comments, and concerns in a forum that I just can't in everyday life.  I can't sit in a meeting at work and start talking about how much the Texas GOP's recent decisions unnerve me.  I can't start a conversation in the middle of class and rant about something I saw on Facebook that offended me that day.

Yes, I understand I'm working in a field where people are constantly observant of my actions.  Where I'm being monitored on my professionalism and maturity.  I have been told in the past that I should be careful and conscious of what I post on here because a coworker or a student might read my thoughts and view me differently.  I've been told that I should conform to the norm so that I'm more accepted.  I've obeyed and it only made me miserable.  How can I be thought provoking and make changes if I'm conforming to others' values?

So I'm back.

I'm angry.  I'm confused.  I'm joyful.  I'm saddened.  I'm excited.  I'm outraged.  I'm human.

And I am voiceless no more.

Shall you condemn me for speaking my mind and being my own person, then that is fine by me.  But if you think my blogging will affect my work ethic, my school work, my professionalism, or your perception of me as a human being, then I ask you to unfriend me on Facebook, quit following me on Twitter, and delete this URL from your browsing history.

This blog is a piece of me and if I can't be me on here, then I can't be me anywhere.  This is the only place where I feel appropriate and comfortable to voice my opinion to the extent that I feel necessary.  So please, if you would like to join me on my journey, I encourage you to subscribe by email on the right hand side of the page.  You don't need a blogger account to subscribe, just an email.


Thank you for reading,
<3 Tawny