The Search for Graduate School: Part 5

Redemption

Options:
After meeting with many a people, I started to gain hope in that I still had options. I was getting encouragement from Everyone. Words of advice. Personal rejection stories. Places that were still hiring. Websites with job listings. Everything.

One person said, "It's amazing how things almost never happen the way we expect. It's assumed that just because you went to OPE and did everything right, things should work out in your favor. But that's just not always the case."

He was right. And though it may not seem uplifting, I found encouragement in those words, because I knew they were real. It was more than just, "You'll find some place!" Or, "Any school would be lucky to have you!" Though don't get me wrong, it was appreciated, but after hearing those phrases 18,000 different times, I couldn't take it anymore.

I began applying everywhere that I could, including full-time Bachelor's level jobs that weren't in Residence Life. If I didn't think I had options, I made them anyway. I wasn't going to give up until every job was closed.

Impatience:
Even though I was making options for myself, it wasn't enough. I wasn't hearing back from anyone anywhere. It was frustrating. So, I started looking at real life "big girl" jobs. Management positions for different companies. I began thinking, that maybe God's plans for me weren't Student Affairs, no matter how much I wanted them to be. Maybe I was meant to slave away behind a desk signing pay roll checks and filing employee sanctions. *shudder*

I eventually landed a couple interviews with two companies for general management positions. If I wasn't going to get an assistantship, I needed to find some ways to pay the bills, right?
At one interview I realized that I couldn't settle for a business job. I wasn't ready for that. My final interviewer asked me, "Are you ready to start your career?" My mind got hit with a semi. No. I don't want this kind of career. I'm not ready to give up. To give in. I won't be stunted by a few rejections. I can't. And I didn't. I told him straight up, that I was still looking at options in Higher Education, and my passion was there. I left that interview with a little more confidence in knowing this is what I need to do.

Redemption:
I received notice from a university that they had one position left open, and they wanted me to interview with them. Sweet! Surprisingly enough, it was one of the first schools I had applied to in the beginning of the process and even got accepted to the grad school. All I needed was the job. At OPE though, I knew I didn't fit in with the culture, but I thought, "Hey, maybe it was just a long day for everyone."

While preparing for the interview, I received word that there was a position opening at another university. Alright. Two more chances to get this right.

Let's Call This School D:
In Love with the campus, it was the most beautiful I had seen yet. Even my host said, "If Hollywood found out about this place, we would be out of business."

The master's program was exactly what I was looking for, I mean, obviously, I applied for the graduate school in December/January.

The people? Well, they weren't exactly my cup of tea, but I can get along with anyone.

The job wasn't what that I would have preferred, it was apartment living, but I knew would be able to rock it just the same.

And then I got rejected from there too.

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. In this case, Always a candidate, never a good hire.

What's wrong with me?

It turns out, I just hadn't found the right fit yet.

Forge Ahead Tomorrow For More...

(Oy, that sounds weird. But at least it's not, "To Be Continued.")

The Search for Graduate School: Part 4

Rejected and Lost

This is probably going to be the most difficult thing for me to post. Because it was this part of the process, that I never thought I would share with anyone.

The day came that I was supposed to hear back from school A and B about if I had a job there or not. I never received an email, I never received a phone call. I started to get nervous, "Don't worry," they all said, "Sometimes things like this take a little more time than anticipated."
"You're right," I thought.. Courage restored.

I was sitting in an NRHH meeting, National Residence Hall Honorary for those who may not know, and because I was feeling so antsy, from not hearing back from school A and B, I was checking my email incessantly. During our meeting, I had checked to see an email from School A.
"Thank you for your interest in our school, but we've chosen someone else. Good luck!"
I mean, it didn't say those exact words, but it sums it up pretty well.

Rejected:
Boom. Reality check. Maybe I'm not as great as I thought. But it was okay, I still had two schools left to hear from and that one was at the bottom of my list of preferences anyway. It's okay. I was still okay.

Then my NRHH chapter began their weekly recognition. Usually my favorite part, because I love seeing people rewarded for the great things they do, this time. I wasn't there. Physically, yes. Mentally, not at all. I checked my email again. Wow, one from school B! Hopefully this one brought good news. I opened it.

Rejected. Again.

Commence shock. Two schools, two choices, no longer existent.

I signed back into my meeting when I heard someone say my name. They were recognizing me for NRHH Member of the Week. I didn't want it. I didn't want to hear it. But my nominator continued forward. Praising me for the wonderful things I do, congratulating me on pursuing further education, toasting the wonderful accomplishments I would achieve in graduate school, and so on and so forth. I wanted to cry. I almost did. I didn't want the award. I didn't feel like I deserved it. Having it was like pouring salt on an open wound. It hurt.

I continued my evening by going to class. Quiet. Little contribution to class discussion. I just wanted to leave. I just wanted to go home. I just wanted to curl up into a ball, and cry.

On the bright side of things, I had one more school left. School C. I liked that school better than the other two anyway. So why was I so down? Snap out it Tawny, you've still got a chance!

One Week Later:
I was supposed to hear back from school C that Tuesday. I didn't. Shit. The friend I made while on-campus, we were both "top choices." We had the best shot. But that dreaded feeling kept creeping back in.

The next day, Wednesday, I heard back from School C.
"Unfortunately, there just weren't enough open positions this year, and you didn't make the cut."
Ouch.

Commence Devastation.

I was supposed to go to NRHH 30 minutes after I got the email. Fat. Chance. In hell. I couldn't. I couldn't face that group of people! I didn't want to bring back the award of shame. I was so embarrassed. So lost. So numb. I don't even think I went to class that night. I wasn't going to be able to pay attention. I didn't want to be out in public at all.

What do you do, when the one thing you've spent your entire college career working for, gets ripped from your grasp? I sure didn't know the answer to that. I wish I could be inspirational and say that I didn't let it get me down, that it was just a minor setback in achieving a dream well worth it. But I can't, honestly, and that's why I'm telling you my story.

Lies:
And then the questions started coming... "So, how's the search coming?" Peers. Supervisors. Advisors. Mentors. Friends. Roommates. Family. The Vice freakin' Chancellors. All, asking me, the same, question, over, and over, again. My answer? "Still waiting to hear back! Should be soon!"

What was I supposed to say? That I failed and no one wants to hire me?!?

Stay tuned for Part 5: Redemption

The Search for Graduate School: Part 3

Round 2 Interviews: On-Campuses

Choices:
I got a total of 6 on-campus offers to interview, plus one that I had already signed up for months in advance. How was I going to choose? Anyone else would have taken the chance at all six, but I had a budget. Also, between two jobs, and school, there was a limited window for me to travel. On top of that, everyone wanted to be done with interviews by the end of March and have decisions made on their staffs. Since OPE was the first weekend of March, that left me three weeks to fit everything in.

First thing was first. Which interviews do I attend? Some choices were difficult, some were no brainers. One university I realized I wasn't even qualified for the Master's program I was looking at. My fault. Boom. Five more to choose from.

The next one was so far up north, and after this terrible winter (for me), I realized it would be too difficult for me to handle if I stayed there for two years. Plus, the entire Master's program was online. I don't know about you, but I like to Know my professors. So, sad to say, as much as I enjoyed the people, I had to knock it off the list. Okay, still 4 more to choose from.

Remember how I said I didn't want to go out west? Well, the next institution was out west, and in the middle of freakin' nowhere. I also, didn't like the vibe of operations I got during my interview with them at OPE. It wasn't what I was looking for for my first professional experience. As much as I got along with those folks, and they were close friends with the people of Whitewater, I couldn't do it.

Scheduling:
Boom. Down to three, plus the one extra. Here's where it became difficult for me. I had three weeks now to choose from for four of the interviews. No class Monday and Friday, so all I needed to do was switch my work schedule around. No big deal, but... Tuesdays and Thursdays were my most important classes and one of them the most difficult. and one of those weeks I was not allowed to miss classes for. Then there was Spring Break. Not a lot of room to make choices.

I could fit three of my on-campuses into my schedule easily, one per week, without losing anything valuable school-wise. But, that was only the case if I didn't have my pre-scheduled interviews. This one, was a school that I knew nothing about outside of their website and job descriptions. The program wasn't entirely fitting to what I was looking for, and I had no relationships with the people. Option two was a school I met at OPE - as school that I originally was weary of applying to. But, after interviewing and socializing with them, I Really wanted to check it out, and they wanted me, so I had to go. I had to. So, I cancelled option one. I thought that was going to be the most difficult thing I would need to do.

Let's Call This School A:
Like I said, I originally didn't want to even Apply for this school. You know how I don't like the things that everyone else likes? This school was one of those things. THREE of my past supervisors are alums there and raved about it constantly. What if I didn't like it there? What if it wasn't for me? But then I interviewed, and enjoyed it a lot. Then I went to the campus. It was beautiful. The people were nice, but I seemed to only get along with the higher ups and not really the current GAs, or candidates at that. I liked the school, but after leaving, I hoped my other two choices were better.

School B:
Located in a state I had never wanted to live in before, lied a university where I highly enjoyed the campus, got along well with the staff, made friends with the other candidates, who by the way were competing for the same job as me, and I Loved the Master's program. It wasn't the typical higher education route, instead it was Educational Leadership. Flexible, interesting, and new. Also, the position was different from all the rest. I remember thinking, "It couldn't get any better than this." Yet, through all of the time that had passed, school C had been on my back burner and I absolutely could not wait to visit.

School C:
The time had finally arrived. My final on-campus interview had made it's appearance on the calendar and I was ecstatic. Campus: Gorgeous. State: Amazing. People: Wonderful. Staff: Hilarious and relatable. Program: What I was looking for. Job: Right up my alley. Food: Quite tasty. Town: Small but not too small.

The whole place was perfect. Until then, I had no idea I could fall in love with a school as much as I did there. I was ready to buy spirit-wear right then and there! I was so confident I knew that that was the place where I would end up for graduate school. I had so much fun while I was there and I already felt like I was a part of the crew. They even told me to my face that I was at the top of their list. I made multiple friends with the candidates and everything just fell into place.

I had it all figured out.

Until Next Time...

(Because some people don't like, "To be continued.")